A message to the body-shamers out there (including healthcare professionals, family, friends, and strangers):
Hi, I’m Tatiana. I’m your [patient/child/friend/spouse]’s dietitian. My patient has told me about you and your comments during our appointment. They expressed feelings of hurt, shame, and embarrassment about their weight due to your remark. I understand that you are trying to help, perhaps even motivate them. I must inform you that body-shaming does all harm and no good. Weight loss is NOT easy. Healthy, permanent weight loss is an enormous obstacle, especially when my patient struggles with body image (which is 90% of my patients).
To The Healthcare Professional:
My patient was told to lose weight at your medical clinic (likely because their BMI was over 30). The patient brought back the already-known information to our nutrition session. “The doctor said I need to lose weight. I should reduce calories and exercise more.”
But what you didn’t know was my patient is in the process of making healthful lifestyle changes. She/He was too embarrassed to tell you that they are already trying to lose weight.
To my fellow healthcare worker, I ask you to change your approach. Before you preach the ineffective calorie-in/calorie-out method for weight loss, ASK your patient what lifestyle changes they have already made. You don’t even need to bring up their weight. They may ask you for some additional advice, sensing a safe, open environment. If you don’t have time to discuss weight loss, ask if they have ever met with a dietitian. If not, write a referral. If yes, don’t worry, they are likely in good hands.
To The Parents:
Never ever, ever use the F-word (fat) in front of your child. Don’t even use that word to describe yourself or another person. You may think it’s helpful to remind them about their weight and health, but it does not motivate them whatsoever. In fact, it hinders their progress in practicing positive body image. Did you know that positive body image is associated with weight loss? Probably not because we live in a shame-filled society. The least you could do as a parent is avoid adding to that shame.
You play a role in my patient’s success. Words are powerful, and body-shaming is dangerous. I discuss this reality with them during our sessions together, in a safe, non-judgemental environment. Please, do your best to create this same environment at home. Be encouraging and tell them the positive truth: Your daughter/son is enough just the way they are.
To The Stranger:
Take a moment to think about the pain and hurt you have experienced in your life. If you deny hurt/sadness, then you may be a psychopath or have alexithymia: unable to feel emotions. You are NOT the only one who experiences terrible days. Every person you come in contact with is struggling with something (relationship problems, insecurity, etc.).
I would think that judging my patient would be the last thing on your mind. However, sometimes you forget the reality of life struggles and embarrass my patient. Perhaps you assumed that my patient doesn’t care about their health or weight, which was exposed by your body language and dirty look. You looked at the items in their grocery cart in a disapproving manner. You avoided looking at them in the eye, pretending they weren’t there.
I ask you to treat every person you meet with kindness, no matter their shape or size. Make eye contact and smile. Acknowledge their existence! You do not know what they are going through. Your smile could ignite my patient’s will to continue the process of gaining health.
To The Friend:
The type of relationship you have with my patient is crucial to their success. I hope you have an honest, real relationship. I hope he/she can come to you for comfort and reassurance. If you are comfortable, allow my patient to talk honestly about their body image struggles. Let them excitedly share their progress on making healthful lifestyle changes. Please, avoid talking about fad diets and losing 10 lbs in a week. The diet mentality doesn’t work. Fad-dieting doesn’t work. Calling yourself fat doesn’t work. Buying into the billion-dollar weight loss industry is just helping the enemy.
To The Intentional Body Shamers:
I can see right through you without even looking at you. There’s insecurity that lives deep within you. I highly recommend looking at yourself before you cast any stones at my patient. My patient has been fixing the damage you’ve done during our sessions together.
To Everyone:
We live in a sick, diet-culture. Working closely with weight loss patients has opened my eyes to the psychological component of losing weight.
From Psychology Today: “80% of U.S. women don’t like the way they look, 50% attribute it to weight, and 34% of men are equally dissatisfied with themselves.”
Body-shaming is cruel and cheap. Your words have deeply affected my patient. You have created more obstacles on their health journey to lose weight. Do your part in making the world a better place by not giving in to the insecure, weak world we live in.
Question the diet culture. Try practicing a positive body image and self-love yourself.
To My Patient:
I’m so sorry that you have experienced body-shaming from family, friends, and strangers. This is not your fault. I know you care about your health; After all, you’ve sought my help. I have hope that you will succeed in making healthful lifestyle changes so that you may return to a natural weight. Do your best to question the diet culture and to loosen the tight chains around your mind. You are worthy now. Love your body now. It’s a true statement that your body has brought you this far in life, so be grateful. Shifting your perspective is key. You can love your body AND make lifestyle changes at the same time. Respect yourself. And always remember the things you CAN control. You may not be able to control the body-shamers. But you can control how you respond. Forgive and remind yourself how far you’ve come.
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