Category: Mental Health

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The Best 5 Books I Read in 2020

There’s no argument that 2020 has been quite the year, filled with transformation, sadness, loss, peace, gratitude, confusion, and mostly, uncertainty. Like most people, I had plans. We had a Europe trip planned and I had career plans. Little did I know that 2020 would halt my robotic work/commute life, and become one of the most transformational years to date. 

I vividly remember laying on my hammock relishing in self-help books during the first few months of quarantine. If I couldn’t go to work, I would at least work on myself. I’ve probably read more books this year than I have previously. I would like to share the ones that were my favorite and positively impacted my life in 2020.

Disclaimers: These are not my favorite books published in 2020 (except for one). This article does not contain any spoilers.

Best Nutrition Book of 2020:

Fiber Fueled by Dr. Will Bulsiewicz

(Published in 2020)

I was pleasantly surprised by this book. It wasn’t a fear monger diet book. It contained accurate and straightforward information (which is quite hard to come by in this misinformation age). The author, Dr. B, is a gastroenterologist who transformed his own health with nutrition. 

Increasing fiber will absolutely change your health. The crazy thing is that it’s so simple. We have over-complicated nutrition, and I’m glad this book didn’t add to the confusion.

I listened to this book via Audible.

Best Overall Self-help Book:

You are a Badass by Jen Sincero 

(Published in 2013)

You are a Badass was the first book I read when the stay-at-home order commenced. There was a lot of uncertainty during the initial 2-week lockdown. I found out I wasn’t going back to work and spent half a day freaking out. I decided this was an opportunity to work on myself. I began reading this shiny yellow book.

It was all the self-help books that I’ve ever read all in one. And it was written so elegantly that as an aspiring author, I felt inspired. Some self-help books are a little woo woo. And Jen knows that, so she gave it a humorous twist and made the standard self-help tools digestible for the skeptical type. 

I also read Jen’s You Are a Badass Every Day this year. It contains short excerpts for daily inspiration. It is another easy read with profound, useful information. 

Best Creativity Self-Help Book:

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

(Published in 2015)

If you desire to be an artist/creator (writer, photographer, singer, painter, etc.), you MUST read this book. Big Magic changed my creative life. It changed my relationship with writing. She is realistic in her advice to those of us that want to live a creative life. I gained immense wisdom and felt more inspired with each paragraph read.

Best Classic Self-Help Book:

The Voice of Knowledge by Don Miguel Ruiz

(Published in 2004)

When I picked up this book, my initial thoughts were, “Yes! Knowledge! I love me some knowledge.” To my surprise, knowledge is the exact thing inhibiting inner peace.

This book is SO good that I ended up reading it twice in one month. I first read it via a traditional paper book; then I listened to it on Audible. You can never go wrong with a simply written book that contains practical wisdom. I immediately began implementing what I learned from this book and peace came naturally. 

Best Relationship Self-help Book:

Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt

(Revised and updated edition 2019) 

This book helped me when I first took on the role of “wife” in 2015. I felt it was time to reread this book coming up on our fifth wedding anniversary. And I am so glad I did!

The best way to describe Getting the Love You Want is therapy in a book. The authors, both psychology geniuses, each experienced their own failed marriages. Together, they analyzed how this even happened. The result of their curiosity is this book.

This book is essential during times of relationship struggle. But even if you are smooth sailing in your relationship, this book will still provide gold nuggets of wisdom when waters get rough. 

Honorable mentions: 

The Next Chapter: 2021

I met my 25 book goal this year (barely, thanks to Taylor Swift‘s TWO surprise albums). Next year, there will be no number goal because it takes away from genuine, joyful reading. I felt pressured to finish dull books, which brought my reading to a halt for a couple of months. 

While I love self-help books and have read 95% of them by now, I want to dip my toes into the fiction world next year. Of course, any nutrition book that comes out in 2021 will be on my list.

If you would like to start reading more books (and I highly encourage you to do), I recommend watching this video: BOOKSTORES: How to Read More Books in the Golden Age of Content

Reading 30 minutes a day will change your life. Of course, implementing a habit requires some awareness and effort. Atomic Habits by James Clear is a great book to start in the new year. 

I want to continue giving you free content on The Blog (without annoying ads), so please note some of the links above are affiliate links, which means I might make a small commission if you purchase anything. It’s a free method for supporting me and my movement.

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A Letter to my 15-year old Self

Dear 15-year old self,
You are about to grow exponentially over the next 10 years. You are going to learn a lot about life. You are going to experience heartbreak, which is the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. But you are also going to experience falling in love, which is the most amazing feeling in the world. You will make mistakes, but as long as you learn from them, you will be okay. You need mistakes to grow. You need the bad times to develop.

If you want to get ahead of the game, understand that there is only love and fear. And fear is a call for love. When people are mean to you, it’s a call for love. When you are mean to others, that is your insecurity, desperately calling for love. So, choose to be kind to those who are unkind and give them the love they desperately need to receive. It’s easiest to learn this love from the most perfect human to have ever walked the earth: Jesus Christ. Get to know Jesus; if you choose not to do this right now, that’s okay. When you hit rock bottom, you will beg God to save you – and He will. Which is a beautiful thing because He ALWAYS saves you as soon as you ask.

Each relationship is a lesson. Sometimes a person is only temporarily in your life – learn from the experience, whether it’s good or bad. Give yourself permission to learn. Learn how to be present because then life is so much more enjoyable.

Figure out who you are and BE HER. Creativity is one of your gifts. Self-awareness is also a gift. Utilize these abilities! And PLEASE repeat this every day: “I am enough”. Because that is the truth.

Oh, and pay attention in your English classes. Focus on improving your writing. It may come in handy one day.

Love,
Tatiana Keay – Age 25

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A Message to the Body Shamers

A message to the body-shamers out there (including healthcare professionals, family, friends, and strangers):

Hi, I’m Tatiana. I’m your [patient/child/friend/spouse]’s dietitian. My patient has told me about you and your comments during our appointment. They expressed feelings of hurt, shame, and embarrassment about their weight due to your remark. I understand that you are trying to help, perhaps even motivate them. I must inform you that body-shaming does all harm and no good. Weight loss is NOT easy. Healthy, permanent weight loss is an enormous obstacle, especially when my patient struggles with body image (which is 90% of my patients). 

To The Healthcare Professional: 

My patient was told to lose weight at your medical clinic (likely because their BMI was over 30). The patient brought back the already-known information to our nutrition session. “The doctor said I need to lose weight. I should reduce calories and exercise more.” 

But what you didn’t know was my patient is in the process of making healthful lifestyle changes. She/He was too embarrassed to tell you that they are already trying to lose weight.

To my fellow healthcare worker, I ask you to change your approach. Before you preach the ineffective calorie-in/calorie-out method for weight loss, ASK your patient what lifestyle changes they have already made. You don’t even need to bring up their weight. They may ask you for some additional advice, sensing a safe, open environment. If you don’t have time to discuss weight loss, ask if they have ever met with a dietitian. If not, write a referral. If yes, don’t worry, they are likely in good hands. 

To The Parents:

Never ever, ever use the F-word (fat) in front of your child. Don’t even use that word to describe yourself or another person. You may think it’s helpful to remind them about their weight and health, but it does not motivate them whatsoever. In fact, it hinders their progress in practicing positive body image. Did you know that positive body image is associated with weight loss? Probably not because we live in a shame-filled society. The least you could do as a parent is avoid adding to that shame. 

You play a role in my patient’s success. Words are powerful, and body-shaming is dangerous. I discuss this reality with them during our sessions together, in a safe, non-judgemental environment. Please, do your best to create this same environment at home. Be encouraging and tell them the positive truth: Your daughter/son is enough just the way they are. 

To The Stranger:

Take a moment to think about the pain and hurt you have experienced in your life. If you deny hurt/sadness, then you may be a psychopath or have alexithymia: unable to feel emotions. You are NOT the only one who experiences terrible days. Every person you come in contact with is struggling with something (relationship problems, insecurity, etc.).

I would think that judging my patient would be the last thing on your mind. However, sometimes you forget the reality of life struggles and embarrass my patient. Perhaps you assumed that my patient doesn’t care about their health or weight, which was exposed by your body language and dirty look. You looked at the items in their grocery cart in a disapproving manner. You avoided looking at them in the eye, pretending they weren’t there. 

I ask you to treat every person you meet with kindness, no matter their shape or size. Make eye contact and smile. Acknowledge their existence! You do not know what they are going through. Your smile could ignite my patient’s will to continue the process of gaining health.

To The Friend:

The type of relationship you have with my patient is crucial to their success. I hope you have an honest, real relationship. I hope he/she can come to you for comfort and reassurance. If you are comfortable, allow my patient to talk honestly about their body image struggles. Let them excitedly share their progress on making healthful lifestyle changes. Please, avoid talking about fad diets and losing 10 lbs in a week. The diet mentality doesn’t work. Fad-dieting doesn’t work. Calling yourself fat doesn’t work. Buying into the billion-dollar weight loss industry is just helping the enemy. 

To The Intentional Body Shamers:

I can see right through you without even looking at you. There’s insecurity that lives deep within you. I highly recommend looking at yourself before you cast any stones at my patient. My patient has been fixing the damage you’ve done during our sessions together. 

To Everyone:

We live in a sick, diet-culture. Working closely with weight loss patients has opened my eyes to the psychological component of losing weight. 

From Psychology Today: “80% of U.S. women don’t like the way they look, 50% attribute it to weight, and 34% of men are equally dissatisfied with themselves.” 

Body-shaming is cruel and cheap. Your words have deeply affected my patient. You have created more obstacles on their health journey to lose weight. Do your part in making the world a better place by not giving in to the insecure, weak world we live in.

Question the diet culture. Try practicing a positive body image and self-love yourself. 

To My Patient:

I’m so sorry that you have experienced body-shaming from family, friends, and strangers. This is not your fault. I know you care about your health; After all, you’ve sought my help. I have hope that you will succeed in making healthful lifestyle changes so that you may return to a natural weight. Do your best to question the diet culture and to loosen the tight chains around your mind. You are worthy now. Love your body now. It’s a true statement that your body has brought you this far in life, so be grateful. Shifting your perspective is key. You can love your body AND make lifestyle changes at the same time. Respect yourself. And always remember the things you CAN control. You may not be able to control the body-shamers. But you can control how you respond. Forgive and remind yourself how far you’ve come. 

Body Kindness

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The Power of Writing

In the middle of a dream, I hear the sound of peaceful music. After about 10 seconds, I realize it’s my alarm 5 feet away, on the dresser. I placed my phone there the night before so I’m forced out of bed to turn off the alarm. I manage to stop the alarm and stumble to the kitchen to turn on the Keurig coffee maker. I get my favorite “It’s F*cking Science” coffee mug and start making my cup of joe. I find my journal and pen, sit on the floor between the couch and coffee table, and open up the journal to the next blank page. Still experiencing sleep inertia, I take a sip of my coffee and figure out the date.  The first thought that enters my mind ends up on the page. I continue writing until I finish 3 pages. I close the journal and continue sipping on my coffee. Let the day begin!

This morning writing routine has become one of the most enjoyable parts of my life. When I started, I had no idea how transformative it would be. It’s an understatement to say that this writing activity has impacted my life.

About 9 months ago, I decided that I would like to write a book one day. I didn’t deny that this was going to be a long road, but I was ready to take the first step. The obvious first step was to start writing. I came across an activity called the “Morning Pages” devised by Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way. The Morning Pages activity takes about 25 minutes of your day. The directions are as followed: Write 3 pages every morning. Don’t worry about grammar or spelling, just write. Write about anything that’s on your mind! If you don’t have anything on your mind, write about that.

MEDITATION

After the first few weeks, I noticed I entered a meditative state after the first page of writing. I was in a state of flow. It was so peaceful. Writing is a meditative practice. The morning pages drain your brain of thoughts that would otherwise be there lingering throughout your day. Meditation is well-known for the ability to quiet the mind, but like yoga, writing is different. You aren’t sitting still getting pissed because you keep thinking about your to-do list.

GROWTH

Recently, I flipped back to read a random page in my journal. It was funny but I thought to myself, “how could I have grown so much in a matter of months?” Writing is a motivational reminder of who you want to be and how each small step makes a difference. Sometimes the morning pages can be for problem-solving. Sometimes it can heal hurt emotions. Sometimes you just write about your dreams. It is so simple, yet powerful.

SELF-RESPECT

To authentically respect yourself, you have to know yourself. Writing shows you who you are. You can decide who you want to be and what you’ll need to do to get there. Self-love and acceptance are not easy, especially for a recovering perfectionist. To watch yourself grow is special.

MANAGING ANXIETY

Sometimes, I’ll write in the evening, after work. I still experience the benefits – occasionally, even more so since I’m usually more anxious after a work-day. It puts the anxiety to rest by helping me work through it. Unfortunately, it’s much easier to numb unwanted feelings/moods by watching TV or scrolling through Facebook or Instagram. Writing helps you work through the mood. Why are you feeling anxious? Why are you sad? Is there anything that is in your control? Write about it – I promise, over time, the anxiety will diminish.

I know one day I’ll start writing my book. But for now, I’ll keep writing my morning pages and hopefully make a monthly visit on here.